I find me when I fall apart

I Find Me When I Fall Apart 

Why in the world did I think I could
Only get to know you when my life was good
When everything just falls in place
The easiest thing is to give You praise

Now it all seems upside down

‘Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart

Blessed are the ones who understand
We’ve got nothing to bring but empty hands
Nothing to hide and nothing to prove
Our heartbreak brings us back to You

And it all seems upside down

‘Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart

I don’t know how long this will last
I’m praying for the pain to pass
But maybe this is the best thing that
Has ever happened to me

My whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when
You will find me when I fall apart

- Fall Apart by Josh Wilson 

The song began replaying in my mind as I was going to sleep last night.  There's often not great differences between what we go through Physically and what we go through Spiritually.  

I quite often cannot remember the big moments, the good moments, of my life.  I have a terrible memory in that regard.  The worst is that my sin nature has no trouble reminding me of my past.  It has no difficulty in pointing out my failures.  

Yet regardless of its ugly abilities, I know that I can see where God has lead me.  Where my sin nature points to my failures the Spirit of God within me reminds me that I am beloved of my Father in Heaven.  Whereas failures are a constant reminder, my life is hidden in Christ Jesus. 

Our priorities in life can be so messed up because of what we pursue.  We listen to the world and press on for health wealth and prosperity, thinking that in them is found happiness. 

We often get taught to turn a blind eye to the evil happening in order to satisfy self.

We get inundated so often we begin to believe what the world says and are incredulous when life falls apart. 

I am so so thankful that salvation in Christ Jesus isn't dependent upon any works that I can do or anything else.  It's not dependent upon my goodness or level of faith. It's dependent entirely upon the work of Christ Jesus on the cross. 

I struggle most often in the realm of the mind.  People cannot see the battlefield that I face daily.  It's a constant thing.  Many times Jesus breaks through the lines of my mental imprisonment to set me free once more. 

I have often remarked that I think too much.  My brain multi-tasking thought and ideas. It's hard sometimes to shut down thoughts.  Some mistake what they see of me as my being angry or distant.  Truth be known to get me truly angry takes a lot. I will indeed be more angry at myself than others.  When I make mistakes it essentially haunts me for possibly days.

My hope is to glorify God in my works that I do, from my thinking to my doing, but I will be the first to admit my world sometimes does feel upside down and falling apart.  I know that I cannot see what God sees.  He sees the end from the beginning.  He sees every option not taken and the results of them all.  I often never see it coming but when something does go wrong and the end result is what is right I know it's a God thing.  

There's indeed a war going on for your mind.  You often might not be aware of it or how heavy the fighting is but my Friend it's there and it's very real. Know your enemy was something said of physical warfare.  It's more relevant to Spiritual warfare.  Knowing about Satan and his tactics, not dwelling on them but being aware of them.  Knowing what Ephesians 6 says about the whole armor of God and how to use it. Understanding of Spiritual matters comes from learning from the Spirit of God.  

Life might seem like it's falling apart, but if God’s behind it, it very well might be falling together.   We find ourselves the best when it's the good things that God's done and is doing in us that are seen for what they are...wrought in God.  God has said in His Word that the enemy of God will try his best but He will turn it for good.  Our job is to continue pressing on in obedience regardless of what our eyes see, what our hearts experience.  We get knocked down, and we will, get back up and keep moving forward.  Soldiers in battle always must press on in order to achieve victory.  

There's those who don't and won't understand me and that's ok.  I know that God does.  He loves me with an everlasting and unconditional love. He's forever at my side and in my heart because of everything He went through to save me.  I may not understand all things that permeate my thinking but I don't have to.  Satan doesn't attack people who are already his. He doesn't have his demons waste time on people already heading for Hell. He does not want anyone rescued out of the jaws of Hell.  He wants believers consumed with selfishness and self-interest in order to keep them from doing the works that God prepared beforehand that they may walk in them. 

I learn more about me when I do fall apart than when life gives the appearance of going right. 

We learn through our struggles as long as we understand that there's something to be learned and we are seeking to know.

Think about what interests you and see if those things align with what God says is God honoring.  Think about where your mind goes.  Think about what motivates you.  You may indeed feel like nothing is working and life is a never ending attempt at finding happiness that's out of reach.  Guess what? It will be until you submit to what the Spirit is teaching you about you.  You will find you too when you fall apart and it's God putting you together the right way.