I often wonder if I am that stubborn child who sits at the dinner table. The child who is being told to eat something that doesn't sound good or smell good. My mouth is pursed and I keep moving it away from the spoonful trying to get in.
Yes, I wonder how often I am that way before God. How often throughout my life have I made things all that much harder because I refused to go where He pointed or refused to do what He clearly has pointed to. Justifying it in my mind that He can't possibly mean for me to do that.
About 3 years ago God brought me to the point of brokenness in a way that I had never experienced. I mistakenly attributed it to someone else at the time, but to be sure, it was God. That series of events at that time was insanely painful. It hurt! I was crying. I was in anguish over something that I struggled with all my life.
Forgiveness. More specifically, me forgiving myself. I used to beat myself up over past and current sins at the time. I was angry at myself. I had no idea until those moments of brokenness that the burden was that heavy. The anger was that deep.
Forgiveness isn't an option for believers. It indeed may be the vegetable that we have been avoiding eating, but God has all night. He's not like our Earthly parents. He doesn't need to sleep. He's got all the time in the world.
There's much pain involved in forgiveness. Not just of myself but of others. But as a good friend pointed out, you don't need the other there in order to forgive them.
Honestly I can't calculate the volume of loss to the joy that I could have experienced decades ago had I simply done as I was commanded and embraced forgiveness.
I have known people who were adamant about forgiving but not forgetting. How Biblical is that? I get the notion of not forgetting what caused the problem. But holding it permanently against someone is tantamount to a condemnation that we are not authorized to do.
My heart was changed 3 years ago. God did a miracle in me. He went beyond that with me then and is still working in me now. I can speak in front of people now. More than I ever used to do. I can see more and understand more from my Bible. I have very little that I am able to be afraid of. Life is getting a bit simpler.
Jesus is keeping His promise to make me into something more resembling of Himself. We are His workmanship. Meaning He decides what we WILL be like. Those vegetables will be eaten.
Jesus took every single sin. Every single offense against a Holy God and nailed it to a cross. He forgave every single sin of mine. He remembers them no more.
Our enemy would love nothing more than to have unforgiving believers. That's the perfect hypocrisy to him. Keeps them together and apart at the same time.
I am speaking of me in this post. Of all the conversations that I have had recently, I am not directing this post towards any one person.
I had a lot to let go of. A lot still has yet to be done. I can see that and I am grateful for the fact that God's not done with me yet.
Letting go hurts. But it's something that has to eventually happen. The peace of God will fill you and it will just blow your mind as to what possible reason you could have had for not obeying. Why?
We don't have a Savior that doesn't understand our sorrows and hurts.
We don't have a Savior who doesn't care.
He was battered and bruised by His own creation. His own creation so turned against Him that murder was all that they could do. He was brought to death's door and still told the Father to forgive them.
There's so much more to life than holding onto things that we are better off letting go of.
I thank you Jesus for your forgiveness of me. Helping me to forgive me. Helping me to embrace your forgiveness of me.
I think of the passage that says that he who knows the good he ought to do and does not do it is sinning. Lord help me to always be ready to forgive. To let go of and to forget as you have of my sins.
Amen.
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